Saturday, October 8, 2011

Sweet Saturday Sample

Welcome! This week I've decided to share a scene from one of my Works-in-Progress. It's a fun switch for me, writing about a couple a little closer to my own age:

“What do you mean, you don’t want to go? When we first got married, you said you wanted to travel and see the world because you’d never been anywhere!”

He shrugged his shoulders, but his hands continued to spread the mayo, meticulously covering the bread in precise strokes. “That was then. I’ve changed.”

She stared at him. “Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?”

Finally, a reaction. He frowned, a stern look that reminded her of her father. “Not funny.”

“I’m not trying to be funny. You told me you’d always wanted to travel, but never had the chance to when you were young. We promised each other we’d see the world when we saved up enough. So let’s do it!”

He laid the piece down slowly. A chill creeping up her spine told her that she wasn’t going to like what Dave had to say.

“I can’t do it, Sylvie,” he began. It had been a long time since he had used the name he coined for her in the early days. “I just can’t make myself waste all that money on a trip.”

“How can you say it’s a waste?”

He sighed. “We’ve been over this, Syl.” He picked up another piece and began to cover it with mustard . “There’s no reason we need to go to Mackinac Island. Yes, it’s pretty, and yes, the fudge is good. But we have pretty beaches less than thirty miles from here, and you make a killer fudge. So I don’t need to spend several hundreds of dollars to sit on a bus with a bunch of smelly senior citizens and ride four hours to sleep in an overpriced hotel and shop in stores for stuff I don’t need.”

Sylvia counted to ten. At least, she thought she did. She may have missed a number or two, but she was so angry she wasn’t sure. “Okay, then. Where would you like to go?”

Another shrug. “I don’t need to go anywhere.”

Thanks for stopping by! Please leave a comment, and be sure to check out other Sweet Saturday Samples.


  1. Mackinac Island! Love it! Not often I get to see places I've visited and live near in stories. Great sample.

  2. Even I've heard what a beautiful place that is, and I'm in the UK! LOL
    "Sylvia counted to ten. At least, she thought she did. She may have missed a number or two, but she was so angry she wasn’t sure." I just love this.
    Great sample.

  3. LOL - what a cynical view of the island. Come on, Dave! Don't forget that rich history, that unique blend of horse/fudge/humanity/lake/fish/pine that can ONLY be found there. But in case he's not convinced, the fact that he will need to walk, ride a bike, or take a carriage might entice... I already love this couple.

  4. Very nice creation of a tense scene. It makes me wonder so much more about the couple, and at what point in their story this moment is.

  5. But why? His reason for not wanting to go is shallow at best. Yet I feel like he's hiding something, a deeper reason for not wanting to go. Great sample.

  6. Boy is he stuck in the rut of life. You can almost see the steam coming out of her ears in frustration

  7. does sound like there is more to his reasons for not wanting to go and Sylvie's anger. Great sample, Patricia! I especially loved the counting to ten part! It really showed how angry she was! :-)

  8. Crisp, perfect, utterly believable dialogue. I can just hear and see this husband and wife conversation. Lots of opportunities for conflict in this scene (and setup for future scenes). Good writing.

  9. Wow! You've done an excellent job of setting up the conflict. There are so many ways this could go. Thanks for sharing it with us.

  10. First of all, I love the phrase "Sweet Saturday Sample". Second, I think my husband and I had a similar, although toned down a bit disagreement, so you've hit the "very relatable" chord! Good job! :)