I'm wondering how I can write this without sounding like I'm whining or complaining. But it's something that's on my mind a lot. And I need to write about it.
I'm at the point in my life where my kids are all grown and independent, and I’m free to worry about myself. Unfortunately, my mom is at the point in her life where she needs help – often. I've got grandkids I want to spend time with and hobbies I want to pursue, but mom needs me around. I'm feeling stressed and overworked. I'm pulled in several directions. Sorta like human taffy.
How do other women with burdens bigger than mine deal with this? How do they pace themselves, taking care of everyone else, and still have time and energy to take care of their own needs? I have a gym membership that hasn't been used in five months because I can't get there, or when I have time to go, I have no energy. People tell me that I would have more energy if I made time to go.
I can't cut the grandkids off. I need time with them. There's a new one coming in January and I need to have time for her. So I guess the only thing to do is cut some of the other extras out. Where do I start? I have two part-time jobs. One pays for groceries and gas, and the other one pays for extras, like vacations, gifts, and occasional splurges. I volunteer once a week by sewing – twice a month in a quilt guild, and twice a month in a group that makes hats for various charities. And I’m studying Japanese so that I can communicate with my relatives.
So I guess the first thing that should go would be Japanese class. And then if that doesn’t give me enough time, it would be the sewing groups.
Okay, so I’ve outlined a plan. I don’t like it, but it’s on the table. I guess now I need to sleep on it.
I hate major decisions.